|
 |
Why Beckham has to sully his points by playing for
Man United is completely beyond me. Good looks,
good ball skills, photographys quite nicely, but,
despite all of this, he still manages to sound like
a chipmunk on helium. He could improve score by
not playing for Man Utd and playing for Arsenal
instead, and posing for more photographs where he
is shaven-headed/mohicaned and covered liberally
in baby-oil. |
 |
SCORE
7.0 |
|
| Voice
Rating: 2.0 |
Team
Rating: 10.0 |
Tottie
Rating: 9.0 |
|
|
|
Oh dear. Fiery Italian Paulo, infamous for shoving
over ref Paul Alcock, plays for the long-suffering
West Ham, who are nearly bottom of the Premier League.
Their poor performance this season has lost Di Canio
points galore. Paulo gets his needed points for
wearing Burberry with a flourish. Has announced
he is leaving West Ham, thus avoiding relegation,
and would look good in the kit of the Arsenal. Mmm.
|
 |
SCORE
5.5 |
|
| Voice
Rating: 6.0 |
Team
Rating: 1.5 |
Tottie
Rating: 9.0 |
|
|
|
A bit of a nutter geeza, John has been relieved
of his duties at First Division club Derby County.
John still enjoys gurning on Wednesdays for stress-relief
purposes, losing him valuable points. He needs to
get a job quick sharpish, or he will be sorely missed
from the FBWSV team. |
 |
SCORE
4.0 |
|
| Voice
Rating: 5.0 |
Team
Rating: 0.0 |
Tottie
Rating: 7.0 |
|
|
|
Glenn let his karma run over his dogma while he
was England manager. He manages Tottenham, finishing
9th in the league but a lousy team all the same.
Glenn has come out with some cracking cliches, but
these aren't enough to up his score. His rating
situation could be improved by not managing Tottenham,
getting a Time Machine to erase all of his cliched
footballism situations, and being someone else.
|
 |
SCORE
5.3 |
|
| Voice
Rating: 4.0 |
Team
Rating: 6.0 |
Tottie
Rating: 5.0 |
|
|
|
We love you Freddie, because you had red hair, we
love you Freddie, cos you are everywhere, we love
you Freddie, cos yer Arsenal through and through
...
His Swedish accent, though endearing, can get a
tad annoying when he verges into squeakdom -- however,
this should improve as he picks up lingo of his
team-mates and will ultimately result in him speaking
in a jolly spifffing French accent.
|
 |
SCORE
8.0 |
|
| Voice
Rating: 6.0 |
Team
Rating: 9.5 |
Tottie
Rating: 8.5 |
|
|
|
What can I say? Liverpool, 5th in the league, have
the wunderkind Michael playing for them. He seems
such a nice boy. You could knit him fluffy jumpers
with bunnies on and he'd wear it for a quick round
of golf. Bless him. He could improve his score by
being less nice, wearing less golfing clothes and
brushed nylon, and getting involved in a sex scandal.
|
 |
SCORE
6.3 |
|
| Voice
Rating: 5.0 |
Team
Rating: 8.0 |
Tottie
Rating: 6.0 |
|
|
|
Robert Pires once gobbed in my hair - it was sticky
and I was quite chuffed, in a girly way. It was
accidentally, mind, he was tacking a Stevenage Boro
player at the time.
Pires has made a good choice in continuing to play
for Arsenal, this has boosted up his points greatly,
as has his cute French accent and the arrogant way
he tosses his head about. Mmmm. |
 |
SCORE
7.3 |
|
| Voice
Rating: 5.5 |
Team
Rating: 9.5 |
Tottie
Rating: 7.0 |
|
|
|
I can't believe that it is Harry Redknapp's son,
can you? Former Liverpool skipper Jamie is currently
playing for Tottenham (hck, spit), a career move
that has lost him many points on the Team Rating.
Nice looking chap, with a tendency to squeak during
post-match interviews.Could improve score by speaking
with a butch voice, using less moisturiser and pushing
over a ref. |
 |
SCORE
6.3 |
|
| Voice
Rating: 6.0 |
Team
Rating: 6.0 |
Tottie
Rating: 7.0 |
|
|
|
He's a cute as a button! Ex-QPR Trevor is another
one of these players who insist on decreasing their
points by playing for a team who forever seem to
be experiencing difficulties of one sort or another.
He seems to be a bit excitable in post-match interviews,
this does not help his voice score.Sadly, like so
many on this small list, his team's dire performance
is letting him down. |
 |
SCORE
4.6 |
|
| Voice
Rating: 5.5 |
Team
Rating: 1.5 |
Tottie
Rating: 7.0 |
|
|
|
|
BUY ME?